I don't look at 2 am on my clock anymore in disbelief.
I don't go limp at the sound of a door being nudged open when I clearly closed it for a reason anymore.
And I don't quietly sob in the corner every single night anymore.
Nope. I got freedom.
The freedom to not know how I'm going to do this for one more minute.
The freedom to have to wait for the kindness of others to get my knee-high grass shorn down.
The freedom to choose between cable and soccer. (Soccer wins every time.)
The freedom to walk out into the world to a job that bores me silly.
The freedom of every other weekend and each Tuesday evening without the three reasons I wake up every weekend and every Tuesday.
The freedom to start at the dirty bottom again.
I gave up everything when I chose to marry him.
And I gave up an all new set of everything when it was well-past over.
Today I lost the last little thing I was holding onto by my last thread of hope.
And I can't tell if it was worth it anymore.
Freedom isn't free. It costs everything that mattered in the belief that what matters now is worth more.
Today it hurts...it breaks.
Please let tomorrow be worth it.
