Things that could've gotten you chopped up in little pieces and buried in a backyard in your twenties get you smiles and stories in your thirties.
Even when you think you're making a private joke, your oldest kid knows you're really talking about the one hot teacher in the whole middle school...and she laughs too.
Playing hard to get is more effective when you aren't actually playing.
As soon as you figure out your kid's currency, they switch it up. Today's overpriced clothes are tomorrow's....who knows.
Ending a relationship ensures that your song will play every 3.4 seconds - no matter the station - and the roads will suddenly fill with his vehicle. But saying a silent f you every time soothes the sting.
When your friends find happiness, it makes you want to table dance and give nicknames.
Even if you don't see the desired results, completing a workout every day feels like an accomplishment... Though feeling the six pack abs would be nicer.
Not everything has to be sexy. Seriously... People should stop trying all the time.
Gentlemen still exist, but they take some getting used to.
And, finally, just remembering the bottle you bought after that unannounced visit makes the 6 am texts from the ex husband more bearable.
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