So, you want to date a single mom?

Let me start by saying there are two kinds of single moms.

1.  The kind that are doing it right, the best way they can.

2.  The other kind.

An easy way to tell the difference:  if they are out every night, dressed to impress, dropping everything to get your attention - there's a kid (or twelve) somewhere who only ever hears "I'll be back" from the woman who barely glances in their direction.  I'd advise you to avoid this type of woman for multiple reasons, but do what feels right to you.

Now, assuming you've chosen the first kind of single mother, you're going to need some insight you can only get from a mama doing it on her own.

1.  You're not number one.  Sure, you're cute and charming and can do things for her no one else can.  You are a prize, no doubt.  But she already has a number one (or several) and that position will never be reassigned.  Ever.  Nope...not even after you do that one thing she really likes.  Best you can hope for:  a distant second.  

2.  She's busy.  Maybe you're a single dad who sees his kids a couple days a week, maybe you're a doctor with a full patient load, maybe you're IronMan.  You're still not as busy as she is.  Until you've started every single day at 4 am, finished a full (non-mother) days' work by noon and still have ten hours of raising children and keeping a household running ahead of you, you can never know how busy she is.  Yes, she'd love to stop in the middle of her Wednesday evening and join you for drinks. I mean, she would kill for it.  But she has soccer practice and dinner and homework and...well.. You're already bored just reading the list so we will stop there.  Suffice to say, she'd make time for you if she could, but she won't take it from her kids.

3.   Be prepared to be patient.  In every way.  

On her blessed weekends free to give to you, she first has to coordinate with the father to pick up the kids.  He'll be late.  Just to be inconvenient.  She can't control that...be patient when she's late for the reservations you made.  Order her a drink, she's going to need it.

She'll get a zillion calls and texts from the kids.  She'll respond to each and every one.  Doesn't matter where you've taken her or how much you paid for that dinner, it'll get cold while she listens to the play by play of the cartoon her kid is watching.  She isn't any more interested in that show than you are, but she'll take the call anyway... Be patient and understand that she is ignoring everyone else for you.

She won't introduce you to her kids right away.   Of course she likes you, of course she hopes it works out, of course she knows it would be preferable to not sneak out before the kids wake up.  But she will gladly shove you out the door if she thinks she hears the stirring of little yawns.  She'll take chances with herself, but never with those kids.  You have to earn that invitation.  And it's harder to get than a White House invite, so don't hold your breath...be patient.

4.  She won't trust you.  For a long time, if ever.  Single moms have been, by and large, hurt.  Badly.  By someone they trusted enough to commit a lifetime to.  Most single moms aren't in that position by choice.  They carry the scars of someone the way they now carry that person's burden.  And, they will protect their world by any means necessary.  If you want it to work, you have to be ready to prove yourself over and over and over and over.  It's not fair to you, no, but it's a fact of dating a woman like her.  She knows you aren't him, but she's even more sure of who she is now.

5.  She's loyal.  Single moms don't have time for games that don't include colored cards or hungry hippos.  If she says something, she means it.  If she does something, it wasn't an accident.  If she chooses you, you're in.

6.  She's strong, but not invincible.  She's proven she can restart.  She's proven it to herself, her ex, her kids, and everyone who doubted her.  She has absolutely no desire to prove it again.  She's shown the world that she can do it all on her own, but she wouldn't mind your help.  She may seem hesitant, but the shoulder you offer is the lifeline she needs.  She's not going to ask, but your humble offerings save the day.  

7.  She can appreciate you in ways others can't.  She's probably seen the worst of people.  She probably knows exactly what nothing feels like.  So, she truly and wholeheartedly appreciates every inch you give her.  Small, quiet, unassuming gifts of you will never go unnoticed.  She doesn't need everything you own - only everything you are.

8.  If you get her (and her kids), you've hit the jackpot.  Whoever was there before you is missing out on every level; and, more than likely, he's somewhere kicking himself for it.  She's strong and smart and capable and loving and good...and you got her.  Those kids are strong and smart and fun and loving and good... and you get to be a part of it.  There's not a luckier man than you.  

All that's left is to appreciate your prize and reap the benefits of stealing a single mom off of the market.  Congratulations....now go do that one thing she likes, she's had a long day!