*Gasp*

I have a confession to make.  You may want to sit down for this.

I don't want to be just a mama.

There.  I said it.  Of course, now all I want to do is delete it and write another blog about how wonderful my kids are.  And, they are wonderful.  Sometimes, though, I'd like to be wonderful too.  As moms, we're expected to be centered around our children.  Unfortunately, for me, the past ten years have been only about my children.  I haven't done or had anything that was just my own.  whine, whine, whine.  Yes, I know, this is what you're supposed to do the day your babies are born - turn in your selfish card.  But, there must be some kind of loophole to this rule.  It certainly seems that the men have found it. 

I am not asking for someone else to come in and raise these kids for me.  I just want to be a little more than a napkin/maid/servant.  I don't want to have to wait until 9:00 at night (when I'm sure they're actually asleep) before I sit down to watch a movie that doesn't involve a princess or a wizard.  I want to get in the car and just drive without making sure to schedule potty breaks and pack a snack.  I want just one person to say "You look nice today."  Instead of "Not bad for having three kids."  I want to make a decision that's best for me without wondering what kind of lasting effect it will have on the girls.  I want to buy myself something frivolous without feeling like I should've gotten them new shoes instead. 

But, I can't.  I'm just a mama.  I admit, however, that I get really frustrated when they get up before I've finished my cappuccino.  And, I have said (on more than one occasion) that I wanted to run away.  I have hidden in the bathroom with the lights off to sneak just a moment of solitude.  I beg them to go outside so that I can turn on inappropriate music to cook by.  I enforce a quiet time every single day because, without it, I wouldn't make it to bath time.  Sometimes, I'm hanging on by a string to make it to bed time.  And, the moment the doors are closed, I have been known to go straight to the kitchen to make myself a drink.

I used to be a woman.  Nothing spectacular, but a woman nonetheless.  Now, I'm a mama.  Nothing spectacular, but a mama alltheless.  And, I don't love every moment of it.  It's my dirty little secret, and I'll be judged for it no doubt.  That vow of honesty is really starting to bite me in the butt.

Now, let me tell you how amazingly wonderful my kids are...