Grasping for control

Earth shattering fact about me (in italics in case you can't sense the sarcasm):

When things spin out of control, I like to hop on a less-than-merry go round heading in the opposite direction. You know, to realign my world.

I like to control the madness in the only way I understand...

Pile on the bad decisions.

Want to buy me another drink?

Make it a double.

Skip meals for days to ensure the girls get to gorge on their favorites?

No doubt.

Ghost of Questionable Judgement Past comes back?

Round 6 *ding ding ding*

As Oliver said, "please, sir, may I have some more?".  But, you know, less with the vital nourishment and more on the nine toes off the edge of a bridge side.

Can self destruction be classified a quirk?  Can you slap a cute name tag on the self-imposed scars and call it normal?  I hope so because otherwise:

"Hello!  My name is Surrender."  

"Unsalvageable"

"Derailed".

In every sense, I'd rather own certain disaster than put money down on an iffy castle in the clouds.  I will not wager one more losing bet on the risk of a warmth I don't recognize.  So, when everything is wrong, I see that and raise it a hundred.  I'm all in.  Checkmate.  Touchdown...or whatever, I thought I needed one more piece of gaming jargon to round out the random gambling reference.

I'd like to say I'm doing the best I can.  I'd like to say I see the light and am barreling through the tunnel.  I'd like to write on my nametag "Hello!  My name is Managing just fine, thanks".

Instead, in my lifelong goal to be honest at all costs, I've saddled up my pink horse and am determined to stay on this ride until the world outside stops tilting the wrong way.