Perspective

Our marriage made the world a better place.

I read these words months ago and have held them since.

Our marriage made the world a better place.

Not the easiest sentence for me, no matter how many times I write it.

Our marriage made the world a better place.

I still can't say it out loud.

Our marriage made the world a better place.

Our ugly, hard, barely recognizable marriage made this world a better place.

But it did.

It gave the world three reasons to shine.

Three impenetrable points of light.

Our marriage gave the world three better-than-us people.

Since I first read those words, I've hung them on my internal Wall Of Survival.  And I've stood staring at that sentence every time it got even worse.  Every time I couldn't see what those thirteen years accomplished, I pulled those words through me.  Every time I watched a replay of my "wasted" time, I tried to remember the reason behind it.

Our marriage made the world a better place.

A place more filled with giggles and brilliance.  A world more prone to kitchen dances and driveway soccer.  Our marriage made three people who make the sun shine brighter on my horizon than on any other.

We did that.

Together.

Through pain and indifference, anger and loss, struggle and darkness.

Our marriage made the world a better place.

And on this, the anniversary we weren't supposed to reach, I stand repeating those words as though they are the only thing keeping my feet solid.  As though they make this fight worth it.  Because they have to - getting to the other side has to be worth it.

Our marriage made the world a better place.

And, even if I can't say I'm grateful for it (yet?), I can say the thirteen years weren't wasted life.  They gave me the only love I've ever grown, and that is better than the place that came before.