Say it like you mean it

Teach your kids to apologize.

From the time they could speak.... Well, really from the time they could do something that required an "I'm sorry" (which for one of them came very soon after her first word), I have taught my children how to apologize.  Because, and pay attention here, it's so much more than a "sorry" mumbled through clenched teeth while staring off into space.

They look you in the eye and they say nice and clearly for all to hear "I'm sorry for ___________".

They take as long as they need to mean it.  If that takes all night, that's ok.  But life, for them, stops until it happens.

If they throw attitude at their mama from the table, they leave the table.  They may not come back to dinner until they look me in the eye and say "I'm sorry, mama, for making a big deal about the steamed carrots.".  

If they roll their eyes and tell their sister that she talks too much when she's trying to tell them something "exciting" about the day, they leave the room.  They may not rejoin the group until they look the sister in the eye and say without a hint of irony, "I'm sorry I was rude.".

I find all of these steps to be very important.  

Leaving the room first gives everyone a chance to calm down.  It also removes the offender from my line of sight so that, if they continue their behavior, I don't see it and they don't get in further trouble.

Looking people in the eye is just good form, but it also makes it harder to hide from the affect you had.  In addition, it forces the person who was wronged to take the apology seriously.  Sometimes it's hard to accept an apology, especially one given as soon as the damage was done.  By making them look you in the eye, you're forcing yourself to take their words.  

Describing what you're apologizing for might be the most important part.  No, you're not sorry that you might have hurt my feelings or that I took what you did wrong or that I left my favorite stuffed animal out for you to kick across the room.  You're sorry that you did something wrong and you are accepting responsibility.  Often, the person who was wronged offers their own apology for whatever part they played.

And, finally, say it like you mean it.  No attitude, no sarcasm, no mumbling.  There are certain combinations of words that should always be said loud and clear.  "I'm sorry" is definitely one of them.

So, teach your kids to apologize.  Then teach them to accept an apology and move on.

There's nothing quite like the first words out of your child's mouth after school being "I'm sorry I was mean to you this morning, mama.  I didn't mean to make you sad.  I'll do better tomorrow."  Those simple sentences erased seven hours of unease and worry.  And they get to hear, "That's alright, love.  We all have bad mornings.  Let's forget about it."

Too many people don't know how to be sorry.  Too many people refuse to take responsibility when they make a mistake.  I know three people who are being raised to do better.  I can't stop them from doing wrong; however, I can teach them to recognize a misstep and go back to repair the damage.  And, that's even better.