To get the words out of my head

My world is fluctuating between lots happening and nothing at all (and often it's all at the same time).  And, most of the time, I don't have anything really positive to say.  So, I don't say anything at all.  When you're the person people look to for laughter and jokes, it's hard to say the unhappy stuff sometimes.  This is when the words start building up in my head.  I'd like to make some space in my mind now, so I have to clear out some of the backlog.  If you're looking for laughter/sarcasm/funny stories, this one isn't for you.

When every step forward feels wrong and standing still isn't an option anymore, take a step backward instead.  I feel like I'm standing on a tightrope extended over a pit of lava and woman-eating crocodiles with stilettos on my feet and three people balanced on my shoulders.  The rope is giving way beneath all of the weight and the other side is too far away.  I would like to just take a few steps back and find another way across.

You couldn't know good if you never knew bad.  Well, I'm very well acquainted with bad.  Bad and I are on a first name basis.  Really, we've moved on to silly nicknames and secret handshakes.  I can recognize good in other people's lives.  Even when you don't know where it's coming from, you see it in the ease of their shoulders and the light of their eyes.  I don't know if I'm jealous as much as sceptical.  I suppose it's a lot like knowing that the world must be flat, but not ever being able to get to the end.  You're glad you're wrong, but will always have a little doubt.

Not everyone is meant for happy endings.  It's true, some people find love and keep it forever.  Some people find the person they're meant for and they live happily ever after.  Some people are put on pedestals and appreciated for who they are.  But others never will be.  It's not fair, but nothing ever really is.

You don't find yourself in a bad situation.  You walked there of your own volition.  You have to take responsibility for closing your eyes and hoping for the best.  When you make a decision, against all of your better judgement, you don't get to be surprised that it all falls apart.  If you say "yes" when you mean "no", you'll always get the opposite of what you were looking for.

Maybe you got too used to having me around.  Appreciate what you have, especially when you know you don't deserve it.  Because, sooner or later, that person will realize you didn't deserve it either.  And, losing something you leaned on and took for granted is harder than losing something you were never given in the first place.

If you go through your whole life without ever being chosen, that's no one's fault but your own.  You can't blame everything on everyone else.  Sometimes, you're getting exactly what you deserve.  Often, you discover this when you're getting nothing.


There.  Now I have a few empty corners to fill up.  Hopefully they will be filled with laughter and sunshine.  Hopefully.