Things I want to teach them

I want to tell them that everything will be alright.  I want to show them that things could be better, and that's why we're always moving forward.

I want to tell them that there is a light at the end of every tunnel - even if it's a million miles past the next exit.

I want to look them in the eyes and answer every one of their questions with all of the right answers.  Answers that will clear their worries and their confusion.  I want to make everything easy for them.

But is that fair?  Because, sometimes, things aren't alright.  And, sometimes I can't erase all of their fears.  And, often, things are not going to be easy.

They are still young enough that they think I know it all.  (Up until a couple of years ago, I thought I knew it all.)  Every answer I give them, they run with it.  So, I am as honest and forthcoming as I can be.  But, that doesn't mean that I'm not wrong. 

One day, when they're much older, I want to be able to tell them about all of my mistakes.  I want to sit them down and explain why it's important to look inside before searching outside of yourself.  I want to school them on the ways of being a young woman instead of an "average chick".  I want to tell them all about the giant errors I made and the huge lessons I learned from them.  Because, I don't want them to learn the hard way.  I don't ever want to have to apologize for not warning them about the brick wall in front of their faces.  As someone who's navigated the tricky roads they will encounter, I want to give them a map, a GPS, and a chauffeur to get them through it all.  But, is that any way to really live?  If I throw myself in front of every speeding bullet, how will they learn how to patch themselves up and keep moving?

All of my best lessons came after the biggest knockdowns.  Wouldn't it be a huge disservice to deny them their own lessons?  No one wants to see someone with a broken heart, but what if that's the only way to know what it feels like to have a full one?  What if trusting the wrong people is the only way to learn how to trust yourself?  And, what if throwing up in the bathroom of a club is the only way to learn that you should really eat something before you down all of those free drinks? 

I don't want them to be the girls who don't know what to do when they fall on their faces.  Or be afraid to make a mistake because they don't know how to handle failure.  Even the best trip up sometimes.  And, I want them to know that it's ok to make mistakes if you learn from them the first time.  If I'm always one step ahead, carrying them at the first sign of a stumble, I can't imagine how they'll learn to walk on their own two feet.  And, as women, that's the most important skill they'll need.  I don't want them to depend on anyone, so maybe that means me too.  How do I teach them to count on me without depending on me?  Or at least to be able to tell the difference between the people who will always be there and the ones who are just passing through. 

Because, more than anything, I want them to learn from me instead of with me.