Ponytails and pancakes

Ponytails and pancakes

Friday, February 12, 2016

Not a co- anything

Someone told me once I couldn't be a single mother - I must be a "co-parent" because he's still around.

You can imagine how that went over.

Um.  No.  I'm a single everything.

I singularly raised them from the moment they were an egg with no feet.

I singularly have met every teacher, sat through every doctor appointment.  I sit alone, in the dark or with the sun blazing through the windows, to rub their back when they are sick or hold their hair when they throw up.  I sit up by myself every night running through all of the things they need to take to school the next day.  Just last night, I was the single parent in the room reading spelling words off while making dinner and getting the class treats ready for two separate parties I can't attend.  Me.  Just me.  And it's been that way from the beginning.

Yes, he is absolutely more present now in their lives than he was when we shared an address.  He, without a doubt, knows them better now than he did when he had the opportunity to spend every day with them.  But, that doesn't diminish the facts.

Because, and I cannot stress this enough, paying for health insurance and a family size bag of Doritos doesn't make anyone a parent.

Paying for anything doesn't make you a parent.

There are a million ways to be a great parent and not a single one can be found on your bank statement.

There is no co- anything for me.  Heaven knows I would do backflips in a field of poseys if there could ever be a co-nversation that didn't end in frustrated anger and hurt feelings.  I would hand over all my top secret recipes for just one co-mmon goal.  

So, to everyone who thinks you can co-parent with a tiny portion of someone's paycheck:  find me one time they went stumbling in the dark looking for a checkbook to soothe them after a nightmare.  Draw me a picture of that time I could throw a $20 at their advanced math homework to get it completed before dinner.  Please.

I will appreciate your comments when they make even a penny's worth of sense to my situation.

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