Keep it to yourself.

Hey, you know that guy?  That one guy you used to love but now can't stand?  Yeah...that one guy who makes your blood boil just by drawing breath?  Or that one chick?  That woman you used to care about and who used to put up with all of your bs?  Yeah, you know the one you have absolutely nothing nice to say about.   You know how much you love to rip them apart to everyone?  How funny it is to recount all of the stupid, ugly, nasty, and often times made up things they've ever done?  How you entertain people with tales, both real and fantasy, about that person every chance you get.

You know who doesn't want to hear those stories?

Their children.

Their kids don't want to hear you go on a rant about every horrible thing that man did.  They don't want to hear all the reasons it's better that he's gone.

Those kids don't need to hear what you imagine their mother is doing.  In fact, it actually pisses them off.

Because that woman you imagine is suddenly a drunk whore is actually their mama.  The woman they look to and trust and adore like no other.

That man you have forgotten every redeeming quality in is actually their father.  The man that represents their only example of how a grown man should be.

Nothing you say is going to change how they feel about the other person, but it sure is changing the way they see you.  They see you as the attacker and it only brings them closer to the parent you're trying to alienate.  They see you as an enemy to their family, even when you're on the inside.  And, they see you as someone who will hurt them in order to make yourself feel better.

So, while I do regale friends with stories of the man I chose to have children with, the only thing my girls hear from me is "he loves you." Because while, let's face it, he and I will never be friends - he will always be their father.  And, that relationship is not one I want to damage.

And, they're not stupid.  Kids get it.  They know who loves them.  They know who is present and involved and actively parenting them.  They know who sleeps across the hall every night, who can recite every friend they've ever had, and who has stood in the rain for them.  No made up stories or outright lies can change who they know their parent to be.  And no sane person would want to try.

So, keep it to yourself.  The fiction you write, the horrors you remember, the darkness you should've left behind.  They don't want to hear it.

And really, they know who you are.  They know who he is.  They know who she is.  And they love you both anyway.