First, the cute one. I saw him come in as we were watching the game. With his hat pulled low over his eyes, the emphasis was on his perfect mouth. He was maybe 21 and full of the confidence that comes with being that young. The hostess brought him to the booth next to ours and, being the curious person I am, I was interested to see who would join him.
The second one came in completely unnoticed a few minutes later. Just an average looking guy that no one, and I do mean no one paid any attention.
The game was a good one and the friends around were fun, so I forgot about our next booth neighbors until a quiet moment in the action allowed their conversation to leak into my ears.
And, I was hooked.
Cute One's girlfriend is newly pregnant. He seemed to have the unsure happiness that can only come from being that young and newly burdened with responsibility that may prove to be too much for those broad shoulders of his. He wanted to talk to his friend about his job and general things that showed he was trying to grow into his big boy britches. Captain Average wasn't having it. CA wanted to talk his friend into "banging" the waitress at the bar. "That's not the dude I know! The dude I know would've banged anything that would stand still! C'mon, bro. She's hot! Your girl doesn't have to know. Is she even f@&$ing you anymore? I bet she's getting big now."
Cute One was trying to relate. He was clearly torn between growing up and maintaining his impressive player status with his friend. "Nah, man. She's hot, but I can't. My girl isn't fat, but she isn't skinny either. When she's not pregnant, she maintains 145." Side note.... Do not broadcast your woman's weight. Unless she's a professional wrestler, she doesn't want it to be public knowledge. Trust me.
This conversation went on for the rest of the game. Cute One trying to talk about his company being bought out. Captain Average rating every single backside that walked past. CO explaining that he couldn't stay to hit on women because he had to go buy some tires. CA harassing the poor waitress who just wanted to avoid their table. CO politely asking for more water. CA trying to smooth talk his way into free shots, but being relegated to the pop he could afford.
It was like a bad Facebook post with a string of comments that ranged from sexist to sleazy to pathetically sad.
When they finally left, we got our first real look at CA. Everyone agrees that he couldn't find a willing participant for his almost-definitely subpar 2 minute performance if he paid them. And, while CO could've had his pick of several, he quietly left to go get his tires and return to his average weighted woman. The yin and yang of young men today.
Thank you, Captain. You gave me a rather terrifying glimpse into what it means to be young, small minded, and desperate. It was like watching a car wreck minutes before the collision. You know it's coming and you're so thankful you turned off that road awhile ago.
Oh, and my team won. RCJH!
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