Please

Let them see beyond the presents.  Let this be the year they look back and remember how we spent all day in the kitchen together.  Let the couch time, snuggled up watching a movie count more this year.  Let the hot chocolate-filled Christmas mugs and dinner in pajamas outrank everything else.

Let them not remember the cool kid socks or the big new tv or the countless other things they opened on Christmas Eve when they look back on the end of 2013.  Please.

Not because I'm not happy for them.  Not because I begrudge the gifts they deserve.  Not even because I lost another competition I didn't even enter.  Just because I did my best.

Let me remember that these are my kids.  These are the same kids who get excited over a simple peppermint candy or a block of cream cheese.  The same kids who have never questioned my loyalty to them.  These are the kids who just know that I am doing the best I can.

Let me remember that, regardless of what's under the tree, I have so much to be thankful for.  Let me remember all of the people who stepped up to help me provide gifts for the girls this year.  Let me look back on this difficult year as the time right before I got my feet under me.

Not because I made a series of grand decisions.  Not because I hit the lottery.  Not even because I didn't give up.  In fact I did give up for a few minutes this morning.  I did sit down and fall apart when I hung up the phone.  Just because I pulled it together for the only three people who matter.

And, please, let tomorrow morning pass without a single moment of feeling sorry for us.  Let the three faces lit up by our Christmas tree continue to be enough for me.  Let me keep the focus on the little things that keep us going.  Let me give them enough love to make them remember long after the socks are lost and the tv broken.

Please.