Wander

My mind wanders.

To all the wrong places.  To the people it shouldn't.  To every moment I can't get back.

I can't stop myself from imagining every thing you would've said to the words I craft so carefully behind my lips. 

In my head, I have created a life where any pain is chosen and all pleasure is golden. 

Throughout the day, you walk beside me even though your feet are miles away.  And, I curl up beside you at night even though your arms are full of someone else's warmth.

It can't be seen, but our movie plays on in my head.

In all the scenes where I've scripted your actions to an almost impossible perfection.  A cast of few who skipped the audition process and got the role of a lifetime.  And, a soundtrack that plays nothing but every song we didn't dance to.

Yes, my mind wanders a lot.  I cannot control the thoughts that sting my eyes.

I can control everything else, though.

The places I won't go to again.  The people I don't know anymore.  The indifference I show at the sound of a name. 

The direction I'm heading.

Away.  I'm always heading away.

Wandering away in my mind and on my feet until I run out of the roads we used to travel.  I wander away until I can't remember how to get back or why I wanted to.

My mind wanders further and faster until it is lost.  And, only then can I start to wander in a new direction.