Middle ground

It's taken me so long to learn the difference.  That, just because I don't deserve the fairytale, doesn't mean I deserve to be dragged through the dirt.

I'm not a perfect person.  Most of the time, I'm barely even a good person.  I make mistakes more than I make smiles.  I overthink and look at things too deeply.  I demand words when they're not essential.  I refuse to be ignored.  I challenge and question more than I should.  I don't trust anyone or anything.  I have a real problem waiting for things to play out on their own time.  I worry more than I should about things that don't matter.  I put too much emphasis on the things I shouldn't notice at all.  My eyes refuse to be blinded.  I hold on too long to the things that tear me apart.  I roll my eyes and slam doors and yell more than anyone should.

No, I don't deserve flowers and candy.  I haven't earned any compliments or praise.  I've lived a long time doing all the wrong things, and I've paid the price for it many times over.

I always knew I didn't deserve the prince on the white horse.  Unfortunately, I thought that meant I actually deserved the toads that brought me down to their mud. 

I accepted the nothing I was offered.  Take it or leave it has always ended in me taking it - gratefully.  I just couldn't see that there has to be a middle ground.

But, I am not all bad.  I will happily make an ass out of myself to make someone laugh.  I stay up all night thinking of how to make a bad situation better.  I will stand in someone's corner cheering them on long after the lights are turned off.  I say what I mean every time.  I am faithful and honest.  I listen to words, whispers, and thoughts.  I learn everything there is to know that will make eyes shine.  I forgive.  I care.  I don't give up.  Middle of the night or center of of the storm, I am always there.

So, maybe I don't deserve to be demeaned and disrespected.  Maybe there's more for me than being ignored and dismissed.  Maybe I don't deserve the fairytale, but that doesn't mean I have to be covered in dirt.

I just wish it didn't take me so long to figure it out.