Trading Up

I have traded tears of sadness for those of laughter.

Puffy eyes for pleasantly swollen lips.

Late nights of insecurity for long evenings of raging self confidence.

They say all good things must come to an end.  How come no one ever mentions that bad things do too?  Maybe because, in the center of the chaos, it feels like you will never find your way out.  Or because some people thrive on the madness and don't want to lay their heads in serenity.  And, maybe I was that person for awhile.  I have never known the calm that comes with weightless shoulders or the complete freedom of a quietly mending heart.  So, there's a chance that I was afraid of the sadness ending.  There's a chance I still am.

But, I didn't choose to be discarded.
Or disrespected.
Or ignored.
I didn't look at the menu of possible outcomes and order Years of embarrassment and loneliness with a side of Broken promises.

No, I didn't get to choose how I got here, but I'm sure as hell going to be the one steering my way out.

I am not sure where this road is leading, and I know that there will be bumps along the way.  I fear I'll even have moments of wanting to turn around and race back into the fire.  But, I have had a glimpse of light and I could sure use the warmth on my skin.

So, I am on my way.  My own way.