Pathetic.
Loser.
Ugly.
Worthless.
Unwantable.
Slut.
Fool.
Embarrassing.
Sorry.
Stupid.
Weak.
Silly.
Weird.
Old.
Fat.
Poor.
Unlovable.
Deserving.
Strong.
Amazing.
Real.
Worthy.
Hilarious.
Adorable.
Good.
Hot.
Challenging.
Tough.
Beautiful.
Sexy.
Smart.
Awesome.
Sweet.
Thirty three words that have been used to describe me in the last week. I went back through my texts and this was what I found. Thirty three adjectives that sum me up.
Seventeen are "negative", though much more real than the rest. They were said by those who know me best. Those who have known me longest. Those who I've listened to for longer.
The sixteen at the end are dismissible. They were said, but not meant. And, I want to say they were heard but not felt; but that would be a lie.
I felt each and every one of the words that are on this page. I smiled or cried with each syllable. They made my day or lengthened my darkness. And, now they each live inside me. Because you can't believe the good if you don't believe the bad. They are all someone else's vision of me.
Watch the words that you use with people. If you don't mean them... don't use them. If you don't want them felt... keep them to yourself.
Words are power. Whispered or written. Spoken or withheld. They are also irretrievable. These thirty three words changed me, one by one. I can't unhear truths any more than I can unsee lies.
How about fantastic! And I mean that. You a fantastic writer. Always have been! And I dare say you are a fantastic momma! You can't be anything but. Head up!
ReplyDeleteMelissa, you are too kind (and always have been!!).
ReplyDeleteYou are crazy Sarah, for ever thinking that any one of those negative words is describing you. You have to believe in yourself. Your girls are looking up to you as their role model every day. (And let me say, they have a fabulous role model to look up to) You ARE an amazing mother (and friend). I hope you can start believing that, because it is nothing short of the TRUTH!
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